Cracking Clean Jokes
A True Story
on Mar 13, 2023
Let's be honest: jokes make life interesting. Don't you love being around people who are funny? I guess you do because funny people brighten our lives and make us forget the troubles that prey on our minds. And I guess you also desire to be hilarious in your interactions with people because of the good feeling that lingers in our souls long after we have told a rib-cracking joke.
As for me, I must admit that I haven't been as humorous as I would have wished to be. I attribute that short-coming to the way I had a suppressed childhood, a childhood that was characterized by constant beatings and criticism. Due to that suppression, I grew up as a shy, timid and confused teenager.
Even when I was at Starehe Boys' Centre, a prestigious institution in Nairobi where I had my high school and college education, I wasn't that outgoing. Imagine during my more than five years at Starehe, I remember cracking only three jokes. Only three. Let me tell you about one.
Back in 2005 when we were sitting for Music practical exams during our final year in high school, there was a metal plate placed outside the building where we were having the exams. On the metal plate was an instruction that read as follows:
Of course the calligrapher who wrote that instruction on the metal plate intended to warn passers-by not to trespass into the building where we were having our Music practical exams. But I interpreted the instruction to mean that we, the students sitting for the practical exams, should not pass the examinations.
DO NOT PASS
I shared with Mr. Matthew Brooks, a talented white man from England who was then volunteering as a Music teacher at Starehe, my interpretation of the instruction while pointing at the metal plate on which it was written. Mr. Brooks burst out laughing. For me having tickled a white man, that joke remains one of my proudest high school achievements.
Although I had a suppressed childhood, I was brought up as a disciplined and morally-upright boy thanks to the teachings I received in church as well as the beatings I endured at home and in school. I therefore never cracked off-color jokes in my teenage years. None of the three jokes I remember punning during my years at Starehe were dirty.
It wasn't until I was a young adult at the university in JKUAT in 2008 that I started telling dirty jokes in my endeavor to be humurous. And the first dirty joke I recall cracking was when I was admitted at Thika Nursing Home after I was apprehended following my errant behavior at JKUAT.
Well, there was this lady who worked at the nursing home but wore a uniform that was different from that of other nurses. I could tell from her physique that she was about 55 years of age. Curious to know her role in the nursing home, I asked her at one time what her duties were but she didn't answer me for a reason I am unable to remember.
When I persisted in asking the lady what her duties in the nursing home were, she finally replied, "Just observe what I am doing. Watch where I am going and how I am doing my duties."
After she paused to see whether I had understood her reply, I inquired, "Even when you go to the toilet?"
My weird question made her turn her head towards me. And written on her face was an expression that clearly showed she was like, "What's wrong with this young man?"
Over the years since I was discharged from Thika Nursing Home, I have cracked even dirtier jokes which go contrary to biblical principles. And I had the temerity to share some of those dirty jokes with the choristers I used to sing and worship with at All Saints' Cathedral in Nairobi during my university days.
Some of the choristers who read my coarse jokes may have thought I was brought up as a spoilt kid. But, as I have said, I was morally-upright during my teenage years. The warped mind I seemed to have by sharing coarse jokes was a recent change in my behaviour in my endeavor to be humorous.
My experiences with endeavoring to be humorous have taught me that dirty jokes are very tempting to crack, for they seem to elicit the most laughter. Now that I have matured in my Christian faith, I have had to resist the urge to pun dirty jokes in the past four years. These days, I only crack clean jokes that don't offend anyone, both in my interactions with people and in the stories I share on this blog.
In his best-selling book The Secret of Happiness, evangelist Billy Graham wrote that off-color jokes shouldn't be uttered by believers. So, my beloved reader, I encourage you to avoid coarse jokes. Don't let your desire to be funny overshadow your responsibility to reflect God's character to the world. Be hilarious but for heaven's sake, crack only clean jokes. That's all I am saying.
NEW! NEW! NEW! If you missed my social media update three days ago, let me take this opportunity to inform you that I have produced a new hymn titled "Fulfill the Desires of My Heart". Just click on that link in blue to dive straight into the hymn.
Sharing is CaringLike this story? Then share it on:
My Bible Repaired; Yay!
A True Story
on Mar 8, 2023
As I have written before on this lovely blog of mine, I am a foodie. I love eating so much that I always look forward to my next meal, especially when it's ugali with cooked cabbages or chapatis with lentils stew. Sometimes when we have visitors here at home, I worry that their visit might delay my meals. That clearly shows how passionate I am about food, doesn't it?
I am also as passionate about the Bible as I am about food. To me, the wisdom of the Bible forms the best diet for a healthy soul and mind. I am lucky to have here in my room seven English versions of the Bible. Oh boy, don't I treasure the wisdom within the covers of those Bibles!
Of the seven English Bible versions that I have in my room, the one I constantly refer to is the New International Version (NIV). I bought the NIV Bible in 2010. After buying it, I read the whole of it in a span of eight years. And I made an effort of underlining the verses that spoke to my heart.
A few years ago, the cover of my treasured NIV Bible came out. And then the Bible started losing its first blank pages, one piece at a time, due to my constant reference to it. At times, I feared the pages with important information would also come out. So whenever I carried the Bible during my travels, I had to put it in a separate pocket in my bag to avoid damaging it further as I rummaged for something else in the bag.
Because of the deteriorating condition of my NIV Bible, I recently decided to replace it with the Revised Standard Version (RSV) as my most referenced Bible. My RSV Bible, which I bought in 2018, looked cute with its colorful hard-cover and elegant binding. And I could hardly wait to highlight in it the verses I had underlined in my NIV Bible.
But lo! Highlighting verses in my RSV Bible turned out to be a Herculean task. I gave up when I reached the book of 2nd Samuel. The Bible is just monumentally huge. Honestly, I should be proud of myself for having read the entire NIV Bible.
Before I gave up highlighting in my RSV Bible the verses I had underlined in my NIV Bible, I discovered the NIV Bible expressed biblical messages in better English than the RSV Bible did. When talking of sex for instance, the RSV Bible would say "to know someone" instead of hitting the nail on the head by saying "having sex with someone" like the NIV Bible.
After giving up highlighting verses in my RSV Bible and after discovering the NIV Bible used better English, I decided to revert to my old NIV Bible and have it repaired. At first, I thought of taking it to a certain bookshop in my hometown of Kiserian for repair. Then it hit me that a cobbler was best suited for the job. So I took it to one cobbler in Kiserian last Thursday.
The cobbler to whom I took my NIV Bible for repair was a pretty woman who turned out to be as skilled as she was genial. She did a fantastic job of repairing my NIV Bible by putting on it a black cover with a zipper. Her craftsmanship impressed me.
Now that my NIV Bible has been repaired, I can't seem to get enough of it. Just two days ago, I memorized Philipians 4:8, an edifying verse that says:
...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.That verse has encouraged me to fill my mind with thoughts of hope, love, faith and courage. It has also encouraged me to get rid of energy-sapping thoughts that breed feelings of guilt, worry, jealousy and bitterness in my soul.
The Bible is indeed a treasure trove of wisdom and encouragement. If all people were as passionate about it as they are about eating - never going a day without studying the Bible - this world would be a paradise to live in. We wouldn't be having cases of theft, murder and wife-battering that I read all too often in the newspapers.
My beloved reader, I urge you to get yourself a Bible if you don't already own one because somewhere in its pages is a verse that was written especially for you - a verse that gives insight on how to solve a problem you are facing or how to achieve a dream in your heart. Find the verse, believe it, act upon it, and God will help you live it out to enrich yourself, bless others and bring glory to Him. Adieu!
RECOMMENDATION: If you've enjoyed this story on how glad I am to have my Bible repaired, you might also enjoy another one on "Insights From the Bible" that I wrote two years ago. Just click on that link in blue to dive straight into the story.