A Confusion Problem I Had

That day my primary school headmaster handed me my KCPE result slip, I became so excited on seeing I had scored 421 marks that I dashed to Mum's shop to tell her about it. She must have been impressed, as did Dad. But the $64,000 question was: Would I be admitted to Starehe Boys' Centre?

My parents wanted me to attend Starehe, a top high school in Kenya then, and I had failed to appear in the list of top 100 pupils that had been published in the papers the day after KCPE results were results.

They were certainly happy when they heard Starehe had admitted me, the most miraculous breakthrough I have ever had. I reported to the school on 17th January, 2002.

During my first weeks in Starehe, I felt proud to be part of the school which had a prominent uniform of red and blue. When I went home for my first half-term break, I craved to be seen in that uniform.

As time wore on though, I became worried when my schoolmates told me from time to time that I was confused. Even my music teacher commented on my confusion and said it was because I had too much knowledge in my head.

Such comments worried me so much that I would scribble the word "confusion" on a paper and look up its meaning in the dictionary. And when the word "confusion" was mentioned in class, I would think my classmates were having me in mind.

Of course the label "confusion" worried me because everybody wants to be appreciated as Abraham Maslow pointed out in his widely quoted hierarchy of needs. Or would you love it when people say you are confused?

Over the years, I have strived to think clearly, sometimes using weird tricks. In 2015 for instance, I moved my eyeballs before a mirror, only to see them still when I focused on my reflection.

Though I probably moved my eyeballs before a mirror on instinct, it was a good move as eyes are windows to the mind. If you are confused, people see it in the eyes.

I have been getting better at thinking clearly. The writing I do has helped, so I intend to continue doing it so that I think clearly all day long. And thinking clearly feels wonderful. It is, I believe, the secret to lasting beauty.