Part 1: Controlling Enthusiasm

As I narrated in my previous story on this blog, I used to suffer from bipolar disorder - a mental illness that would make me feel sometimes depressed and sometimes overexcited for no apparent reason. I disliked my episodes of depression but enjoyed those of overexcitement because of the way they made me feel energized.

Whenever I felt high, I would sometimes laugh boisterously at old silly jokes. On one evening in 2016 when I was in one of my overexcitement episodes, I sat down on the floor of my room and laughed uncontrollably - something that worried my sick mother. She thought it abnormal for me to laugh that much while alone in my room.

Another tendency I had when feeling high was talking too much, often jumping from one idea to another in quick succession. If I didn't have someone to talk to, I would turn to my phone and call or message my friends. Some of them got irritated by the silly messages I sent them, a proof that the book of Proverbs is right when it says "when words are many, sin is not absent".

Perhaps the worst deed I did in my episodes of overexcitement was visiting places. I would go to my former schools, to the churches I have attended, or to the homes of neighbours and relatives. And whenever I found myself with an extra reserve of energy, I would walk and walk and walk in my neighbourhood with the vitality of a lamb.

On mature reflection, I have realized that all the laughing, talking and walking I did when feeling overexcited was a chase after fantasies. And the book of Proverbs warns us that he who chases fantasies ends up in poverty. Luckily for me, I had my family providing for me, otherwise I would have ended up in want.

I now firmly believe that instead of visiting places when I felt overexcited, I should have stayed at home and used that energy to develop my mind. How? By reading, writing and playing the piano. Had I used my energy that way, I would have become a better person - physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and financially.

Having learnt a lesson from my past, I have for the last one year worked hard to control my enthusiasm. I have restrained myself from walking and talking too much when feeling overexcited by channelling my energies into my hobbies. My efforts are bearing fruit, for I have not been feeling depressed as frequently as I used to do.

I have vowed to keep on controlling my enthusiasm so that I become a productive member of the society. Just like the way a farmer grows vegetables for sale, I will strive to use my energies to create something that will improve the lives of others - something like an uplifting story or an inspiring hymn. So help me God.

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RECOMMENDATION: If you've enjoyed the above story on controlling, you might also enjoy another one on "Imitation is Limitation" which I wrote more than two years ago. Just click on that link in blue to dive straight into the story.