Dealing With Anger

Ever since I was in high school at Starehe Boys' Centre, I have always had an anger problem. I used to erupt into fury over minor issues, a fury that made some of my classmates fear me. Fortunately, my anger never landed me in trouble with school authorities.

After I joined the institute division of Starehe in 2006, I continued having a proclivity for anger. I particularly remember the Friday night I got hot under the collar when an institute-mate named James Karanja ordered me to get out of a computer lab because I was not a supervisor.

I can't recall what Karanja did to me after I angrily refused to leave the lab. All I remember is that he wanted to fix me for institute "working party", a three-hour punishment that entailed doing some manual work in the school on a Saturday afternoon.

Luckily for me, Karanja forgave me after I approached him the following Monday and apologized for reacting to his command irately. Had I done the "working party" he wanted to fix me, I would have been the first institute student in my time to do the punishment.

By the way, Karanja faced a number of tribulations after leaving Starehe. He was sacked from Keroche Breweries Limited where he worked as an accountant or something. And in 2015, he was shot dead in a murder that I heard was work related.

Before his untimely death, Karanja had turned into a good friend of mine, at one time commenting on Facebook that my writings were classic. It is for that reason that I have missed him. And I am glad he got over my livid outburst on that Friday night he angered me.

Come to think of it, I must have inherited my anger problem from my late mother. Mum could sometimes be like a bear with a sore head. Once when I was a boy, she furiously threw tomatoes she had sent me to buy. She threw them while whining that I should have bought more tomatoes with the same amount of money.

To be honest, I still get angry once in a while like I did recently. Well, there is this valet named Jeremiah who was brought home to be looking after my aging Dad. He has been extremely polite and full of respect for Dad, always calling him "Mr. Maina".

But as for me, probably because I am much younger than him, he started talking back to me a few weeks into his stay with us. I silently held that against him, something I don't like doing since my desire is to be constantly happy and peaceful.

Sometime last month when Dad was away, I had a chance to express to Jeremiah my displeasure with his attitude towards me. I asked him to treat me with courtesy. Voicing my sentiments worked, for he started addressing me respectfully.

Last Saturday, we had a disagreement and this time, I got mad. I spoke heatedly to him, forcing Dad to intervene. Strangely, I felt good about myself for reacting with anger. And then I remembered one of the rules of General Colin Powell: "Get mad and then get over it."

Although the Bible admonishes us not to be quick to get angry, I think to some extent, some anger is good if it stops others from mistreating or taking advantage of us. Such anger is commonly referred to as "righteous anger", the kind that Jesus had when He found people doing business in His Father's temple.

When it comes to righteous anger, I have come to draw inspiration from honeybees. You see, honeybees produce sweet, nutritious honey. But if you dare provoke them, they will sting you mercilessly.

Like honeybees, I also want to be beneficial to others, offering words of hope and encouragement. But if someone dares mess with me the way Jeremiah did recently, then they will face my wrath.

It has dawned on me that, like the book of Proverbs insinuates, it is wise to overlook an offence done by a passing stranger. An offence such as a rude remark uttered by a fellow passenger in a bus or by a cashier in a supermarket.

I however don't think it's wise to overlook offences done by a person we are staying or working with. That's why I have borrowed a leaf from honeybees when dealing with annoying colleagues such as Jeremiah who had formed the habit of speaking to me with contempt.

One lesson I have learnt from my disagreements with Jeremiah is that when a person I am staying or working with treats me disrespectfully two or three times, I should call them aside and express my displeasure with their behavior, otherwise they might treat me even worse to a point that will make me explode with rage. That's a great lesson I will carry into the future. Ciao!

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RECOMMENDATION: If you've enjoyed the above story on dealing with anger, you might also enjoy another one on "Obeying God's Laws" which I wrote last year. Just click on that link in blue to dive straight into the story.