Creating a Beautiful Family Culture

Recently when I shared a blog story about how I suffered from a low self-esteem as a young adult, one of my brothers wrote to me and confided in me that he struggles with self-esteem issues. He blamed it on his early schooling years. But I believe our self-esteem problems have to do with the way we were brought up.

We grew up in a poverty-stricken home where we didn't have indoor showers and toilets. And our family didn't have a beautiful culture. We were fond of putting each other down, an unhealthy criticism I wouldn't wish on any child.

If I ever get lucky to have a family of my own, I will strive to create in it a beautiful culture using the tips I gleaned from Stephen R. Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. Okay, let me tell you more.

In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, Covey related the problems his family faced, such as outbursts of anger. He asserted that all families experience problems and went on to encourage us that if we come from a dysfunctional family, we can choose to pass on a legacy of love and kindness.

And how can we pass on such a legacy? Well, Covey distilled seven habits that we can cultivate in our families so as to create a beautiful culture, thereby leaving a positive legacy that will impact generations to come.

The first habit is being kind to one another, apologizing when we offend each other, keeping the promises we make and not talking ill of anyone behind their backs. And though it's important to correct those who are erring, we should love and accept each family member as they are.

The second habit is having a family mission statement that inspires each member to conduct themselves virtuously. A family mission statement, which everyone in the family should take part in crafting, can include values such as honesty, diligence and orderliness that each should uphold.

While adhering to a family mission statement, it is crucial that we set a good example. If, for instance, we want our children to be avid readers, they ought to see us reading books.

The third habit is creating time for one-on-one bonding and family get-togethers. One-on-one bonding times, during which a parent goes on a date with one child, can be helpful in reducing sibling rivalry.

The fourth habit is understanding one another, what Covey referred to as win-win thinking. Understanding one another entails knowing the needs, wants and concerns of each family member. It also entails refraining from comparing one member with another.

The fifth habit is seeking first to understand and then to be understood. This is especially essential for parents. As married couples, parents should set aside time to be with each other - times when they share their dreams and fears.

The sixth habit is learning to value - even celebrate - our differences. Each family member is unique and the fact that we see things differently is a strength - not a weakness - in a family set-up. We should therefore desist from molding any family member to our own image.

The seventh habit is creating time to renew ourselves as a family. Some of the ways we can renew ourselves include praying together, going for picnics and having family dinners during which we swap stories.

Those are the seven habits that Covey discussed in his book about highly effective families. Of course I have phrased them in the way I understood them. I implore you to buy the book and digest it in detail. It will be a valuable addition to your home library.

By the way, just because I have said my family didn't have a beautiful culture doesn't mean we were totally messed up. We valued discipline and academic excellence. Never would you have heard us utter a profane word or seen us spend a whole weekend watching television.

It's as a result of the premium we placed on discipline and academic excellence that my brothers and I have turned out better than some of our peers who grew up in well-off families. I will pass on that culture of discipline and academic excellence to my future family. So help me God.

*********************
RECOMMENDATION: If you've enjoyed the above story on creating a beautiful family culture, you might also enjoy another one on "How I'll Raise My Children" which I wrote last year. Just click on that link in blue to dive straight into the story.