Realizing Life is Hard

For a long time, I had lived in a fantasy world in which I imagined that I am a great person and that life will always be nice to me. Although I faced setbacks, I clung to that illusion like a tick on a cow.

Perhaps it's because my family has always provided for me that I continued living in such a fantasy world. I am sure if I had been out there hustling for my needs, I would have realized earlier in life how hard life is.

This year, I was jolted out of that fantasy world. It dawned on me that even though I am talented in music and writing, I am just a normal person with my own limitations and other people are better than me in some ways.

My brother Bob Njinju, for instance, is more assertive than me. Several months ago, I overheard him talk assertively to Jeremiah, a valet my brothers had hired to look after our aging father. Bob's experiences of hustling in Nairobi where he raises a family are probably what made him that assertive.

As for me, it felt unnatural to talk assertively to Jeremiah who was not only older than me but also physically bigger. Even when he started addressing me in arrogant tones, I couldn't bring myself to demand that he speaks to me politely.

One afternoon when Jeremiah asked me to lend him some money, I did so, thinking that would make him respect me. But alas! The dude got the impression that I was loaded, so after repaying me, he kept borrowing money from me.

After it reached a time when I could no longer stomach his arrogance and requests for money, I erupted in anger. What I failed to express in good courage, I made up for in anger. Poor me!

Jeremiah eventually told my eldest brother Joe Kagigite about my outbursts of anger. But the way he put it was that I was bullying him, an accusation that hurt me, considering how I love Jesus. In fact, it was Jeremiah who bullied me. I was just defending myself.

But Joe instantly believed him and phoned my other brothers to inform them. And yikes! They all turned against me, the very blood brothers I had counted on to defend me against an enemy. That distressed me so much that I couldn't even concentrate on praying.

Luckily, my father, with whom I have come to share a unique bond, came to my rescue. He instructed Jeremiah to treat me with courtesy. From then on, Jeremiah never addressed me arrogantly or borrowed money from me.

About two weeks ago, we had at home an initiation ceremony for my nephew Roy, the son of my brother Bob. During the ceremony, I refused to join my brothers where they were seated.

Later that day, I had an inkling that I had hurt my brothers by not joining them in the ceremony. And when I remembered how they deeply distressed me that night they turned against me, I thought I had given them a taste of their own medicine.

Still, I was remorseful for not joining my brothers in the ceremony. The remorse instilled me with courage to phone them and spill out the resentment that had simmered in my heart since that night they distressed me.

While I am not sure if I convinced them of their wrongdoing, I felt relieved to get the feelings off my chest. It was like I was turning from a sheep into a lion.

Looking back, I am convinced that I would have avoided the whole ordeal if I had been as assertive with Jeremiah as my brother Bob was with him. In a sense, Bob was better than me at dealing with that man who left home a few months ago.

Another experience that jolted me out of my fantasy world was when I received an SMS that ordered me to repay the loan I borrowed during my years at JKUAT where I dropped out of an engineering degree. The SMS made me so anxious that I turned to the book of Psalms for comfort. I also prayed.

Two hours or so later, I received a call from the firm that is following up on that loan I borrowed. Fortunately, perhaps due to my prayers, the fellow who talked to me understood my case when I informed him that I dropped out of JKUAT.

I was quick to add that I have set up this monetized blog, and I promised him that I would start repaying the loan as soon as money earned from Google ads begins streaming into my bank account.

Indeed, I am not a great person and life will not always be nice to me as I had imagined. Okay, I am a great person but life will occasionally challenge me, just like it does everybody else. At last, I have realized at a deeper level that life is hard.

Realizing that life is hard has spurred me to be of good courage, to continue being diligent in the things I do, and perhaps most importantly, to keep in touch with God by communing with Him and reading His Word. That's all I am saying.

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RECOMMENDATION: If you've enjoyed the above story on realizing life is hard, you might also enjoy another one on "Dealing With Life Challenges" which I wrote some time back. Just click on that link in blue to dive straight into the story.