A Quiet Battle for Connection

When I was in school, my main goal was to excel in academics. I therefore read a lot, sometimes rising as early as 5:00 a.m. so as to create more time for studying. Even though my reading efforts were never fully reflected in school, at least I passed my KCPE and KCSE exams: the most important tests in primary and secondary school respectively.

The worst mistake I made in my quest to excel in academics was neglecting my social health. I grew up as a shy and confused teenager, hardly ever talking to the girls I admired. Boy, didn't I feel awkward and aloof in social gatherings!

One day during the 2003 December holiday for instance, I felt lonely on an outing that had been organized by some families in my home area. I remember thinking that an outgoing classmate of mine named Rocky Mbithi would have fared better than me in the outing.

Sadly, I continued being shy and confused well into adulthood. I was often reticent while interacting with the youths of my hometown Catholic church where I attended mass every Sunday after I finished high school in November 2005.

During one social gathering that we had in December 2005, a chap called Tony dished out folded pieces of papers, one at a time. Whoever received a paper was required to unfold it and answer aloud the question in it. The questions covered a range of issues pertinent to youths. One youth received a piece of paper that asked her to tell us about her sex life.

While the confident Tony dished out the pieces of paper to cheering youths, I feared that I would be next. Given how nervous I was growing at the thought of addressing the excited youths, I am sure I wished the social gathering would end soon. Luckily, Tony never handed me a piece of paper, making me perhaps the only one in the gathering who never addressed the youths.

A year later (in December 2006), I still hadn't come out of my shell. I particularly recall the time I pretended to be engrossed in reading a "Time" magazine celebrating the life of Pope John Paul II as several youths in my church were having an informal discussion. One of the youths paused their discussion and remarked, "There are some people who read a lot but can't socialize with others." The youth didn't mention my name but I instantly knew he was talking about me.

My poor social health was clearly brought out when I joined a choir at All Saints' Cathedral Nairobi in April 2007. On some days while about to enter the cathedral, I would worry about how I would interact with my fellow choristers. Unhappily, some of the choristers mistook my shyness for signs of criminal behavior. They suspected I was a small-time thief.

It's due to the poor social health I had that I haven't been as successful as I'd have wished. But I am glad to report that I have grown into a socially healthy young man.

These days, I love meeting people when I am in my element. And I have discovered that the key to good social health is improving mental health. When we correct our minds, everything falls into place.

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