How I'll Raise My Children

Ever since biblical times, some marriages have been rocked by infertility and childlessness. Among the biblical heroes who struggled with barrenness were Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Hannah and Elizabeth. And their inability to conceive a child distressed them a great deal. Hannah had to go to the Lord's temple where she repeatedly pleaded with God to grant her a child.

In modern times, among those who have had trouble getting a child are former U.S. First Ladies Laura Bush, Michelle Obama, and Hillary Clinton. After trying several times to have a child to no success, George W. Bush and his wife Laura were preparing for adoption before they happily discovered that Laura was pregnant with twins.

Barack and Michelle Obama also had difficulty conceiving a child. Michelle had a miscarriage. And when she was unable to get expectant again, she resorted to IVF (in vitro fertilization) through which she became pregnant and gave birth to two beautiful daughters.

As for Hillary Clinton, she too had trouble getting pregnant - a setback that made her visit fertility clinics together with her husband Bill Clinton. When she finally became pregnant and gave birth to a daughter, Hillary must have been elated, for she described that as one of the greatest miracles in her life. And I surmise it was infertility that made Bill and Hillary Clinton not have another child because I don't think any well-meaning couple would deny their firstborn child a brother or a sister.

From the experiences of those who have struggled to have a child, we can conclude that the Bible is right when it says in Psalm 127:3 that "children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him". So if you are a young woman and feeling broody, let me tell you that carrying a baby in your womb is not a right; it's a privilege.

Having realized that children are indeed a gift from God, I have resolved that should I ever get married and have children, I will treat the birth of each of my children as a miracle worth relishing. And I will go out of my way to spare them from the heartaches I've gone through. One of the heartaches is mental confusion.

During my high school years at Starehe Boys' Centre, I was often accused of being confused - something I have written about many times on this blog. Back in my Starehe years, I didn't understand why my schoolmates termed me as confused since I was neither conscious of the confusion they saw in me nor did I understand its root cause.

I found it sickening to be described as a confused lad. And unfair too. When other schoolmates forgot to do something, others would take it as part of being human. But if I forgot to do something, they would attribute it to my confusion.

What I find even more puzzling is that I had a better memory than most of those schoolmates who were clear-headed, was more organized than some of them and out-performed quite a number of them in exams. It really was puzzling.

As I have already said, I didn't understand the cause of the confusion that my Starehe schoolmates saw in me. With time, I have realized it was caused by the poverty-stricken environment I was brought up in and the constant criticism I was subjected to. The intensive reading I did in primary school also played a part in making me confused.

So as to spare my future children from a similar confusion, I will bring them up in a heavenly home with a manicured compound, well-lit bedrooms and a space-age kitchen. To borrow the words of one of my Facebook friends, I don't want my children to claim they hail from a humble background. That must end with me.

I will also smooth the way for my children by buying them plenty of books to read. Because not all books are well-written, I will plow through all the books I buy and hand over to them only those I think will interest their minds. And I will set a good example by inviting them to my library to see me read, the way President John F. Kennedy used to have his son in the Oval Office as he worked.

Perhaps most importantly, I will teach my children early what I learnt late. And some of the things I learnt late is the importance of having a healthy self-esteem and excellent social skills. I will cultivate in them a positive self-image by having meals together, during which we will swap stories and share ideas, and by imploring them to play musical instruments, especially the piano.

Don't get me wrong: I don't mean to say that I'll make life too easy for my children. Even though I'll try to spare them from the heartaches I've gone through, I'll make them do chores at home such as cleaning the house and making their beds. After they turn 18, I'll encourage them to get a part-time job. And I'll have them earn and pay part of their university education. That's all I am saying.

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RECOMMENDATION: If you've enjoyed this story on how I'll raise my children, you might also enjoy another one on "Visualizing Success" that I wrote more than four years ago. Just click on that link in blue to dive straight into the story.