Dropping People Out of Our Lives

A True Story

by Thuita J. Maina

on Nov 23, 2023

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When I was teaching piano at a music school in Nairobi in 2015, there got employed in the school a receptionist named Faith who became one of my admirers. She would tell me how she loved the way I smiled. I could tell from her demeanors that she was dying to have me as a boyfriend.

Even though I never admired Faith in return, I somehow liked her wisdom and caring nature. She gave me one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received. The advice was that I get rid of negative people in my life. "Drop them!" was her mantra for dealing with toxic humans.

It has taken me a long time to fully appreciate Faith's advice and implement it in my life. Since I am a good-natured fellow, I have always strived to live at peace with everyone. When people were rude to me or treated me with contempt, I kept being their friend.

There was, for instance, a lass called Deborah [not her real name] that I met at the University of Nairobi in 2010. Now, Deborah was rude to me at every opportunity, right from when I first set my eyes on her. I just don't what it was about me that made her hate me.

Later on in 2011 when Deborah and I became friends on Facebook, I sent her a lengthy message, lamenting how she was always looking down on me. My conciliatory message seemed to appease her given the way she wrote back to me and apologized for her behavior.

But alas! One evening when I handed her a piece of paper with my blog address and implored her to visit the blog, she rudely threw the paper back to me. Her arrogance made me dislike her so much that as I was walking to the university one morning, all I was thinking about was her repulsive behavior. And it's not like I admired her or anything, which makes me wonder why I kept trying to be her friend.

Then there was Sr. Frances Connochie, a British nun who worked as a pastoral counsellor and Social Education & Ethics teacher at Starehe Boys' Centre, my high school. Sr. Connochie got to know me in 2006 when I approached her for a counsellor's recommendation letter to four top American colleges I was applying for admission. She went ahead to pen a glowing letter, a copy of which I still have with me to this day.

After getting to know me, Sr. Connochie became a good friend of mine, or so I thought. She always wished me a happy birthday when we connected on Facebook earlier in the previous decade. And when I was running for a political seat in the 2013 general elections of Kenya, she sent me a handsome contribution for my campaign funds. Unfortunately, my campaign was a complete flop.

Thinking we were great friends, I kept sending Sr. Connochie frequent emails to update her on how I was getting along with life. But one day in 2015, she suddenly turned against me and instructed me to never bother her again. Her remarks hurt me deeply like a sword. And that was the last email I ever received from her.

When I opened a new Facebook account in 2016, I sent Sr. Connochie a friend request which she refused to accept, even after requesting her to do so. She just ignored the message I sent to her and a comment I wrote on one of her Facebook posts.

To be honest, I found it odd for Sr. Connochie to reject me given that she was a pastoral counsellor and a nun with a degree from a respected university in America. When I heard of her death last year, I would have written a blog story about her had she not turned against me. Now that she is dead and gone, I will never get to know what made her loathe me.

On mature reflection, I regret the time I spent trying to win Deborah and Sr. Connochie as friends. I just wasted my time befriending people who were hell-bent on becoming my enemies.

But I have learnt a lesson. These days, I no longer beg people to stay in my life. When someone is disrespectful to me, I just drop them out of my life like a piece of red-hot charcoal. And when I find myself in a place where respect is not being served, I simply walk away. "Drop them!" is my new mantra for dealing with toxic people.

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RECOMMENDATION: If you've enjoyed the above story on dropping people out of our lives, you might also enjoy another one on "Dealing With Negative People" which I wrote last year. Just click on that link in blue to dive straight into the story.

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Part 2: Blooming Where Planted

A True Story

by Thuita J. Maina

on Nov 18, 2023

My brother Paddy, as I have narrated before on this blog, was admitted at the University of Nairobi in September 2005 to pursue a degree in medicine & surgery. He so distinguished himself in his medical studies during his first year that he was selected to study an accelerated degree in anatomy which he graduated with first class honors in December 2008.

A few years ago, I came across here at home the thesis that Paddy wrote for his Anatomy degree. And wa! The thesis was larded with a lot of medical jargon, rendering it incomprehensible to a layman like me. I'd consider Paddy a genius if he still remembers a fraction of the jargon he used in the thesis.

Now, Paddy used to have a high regard for the University of Nairobi (UoN). He once informed us during a family meeting in 2008 that schooling at UoN is the same as schooling at Harvard. And when I was a freshman at UoN in 2010, he warned me the university's exams are usually not easy.

Paddy's high regard for UoN must be the reason he bloomed at the university even though his high school desire was to pursue his undergraduate education overseas. He really wanted to attend such elite universities as MIT and John Hopkins.

Come to think of it, I somewhat agree with Paddy that schooling at UoN is the same as schooling at Harvard. And not just UoN but almost every other university in Kenya.

I know of some people who graduated from local universities and won scholarships to pursue post-graduate courses at such renowned universities as Oxford and Harvard. And some local undergraduates have emerged winners in global contests, trouncing competitors from more globally recognized universities.

Recently, I was leafing through a colorful prospectus of Washington University in St. Louis, one of the most prestigious institutions of higher learning in America. And you know what? I noted that the same companies which seek graduates from that prestigious university are the same companies which seek graduates from local universities. Companies like PwC, KPMG, Deloitte and CitiGroup.

That makes me wonder why I was obsessed with the dream of studying in America when I was an engineering student at a local university called JKUAT. The dream eventually made me drop out of JKUAT in 2009. And when I failed to attain it, I had no option but to matriculate at UoN in September 2010.

JKUAT was actually a splendid university. It had adequate learning resources and some of its graduates have been employed by reputable firms. My younger brother Symo attended JKUAT where he studied financial engineering and after graduating, he landed a job at KPMG, one of the Big Four auditing firms.

Equally splendid was the institute division of Starehe Boys' Centre, my high school. Although the institute teachers were lackadaisical, the school had such excellent facilities as pianos, playing fields, a swimming pool, a well-stocked library and computers wired to the internet.

I'd rate schooling at Starehe Institute to be the same as schooling at MIT. Yet during my time in Starehe, most high school students in the school didn't want to join the institute. Maybe they were put off by the stringent school rules. Or maybe they just needed a change in lifestyle after finishing their high school education.

The point I am trying to make is that we can all bloom regardless of where we find ourselves planted. Malcolm X, the great civil rights leader, never went to high school yet he educated himself so well that he became one of the most after-sought speakers in America. Universities like Cornell and Harvard were clamoring to have him visit their campuses to address their students.

Thomas Edison (and who hasn't heard of Thomas Edison?) had little formal schooling yet through grit and determination, he became one of the most prolific inventors in American history. He invented life-changing gadgets like the light bulb, the phonograph and the motion picture camera.

Such success stories have encouraged me that I, too, can succeed in my endeavors through diligence, discipline and consistency. I will therefore continue honing my writing, speaking and musical talents so that I become the successful blogger I desire to be.

My beloved reader, you can also bloom wherever you are planted. If you are an undergraduate student in a little-known community college, you can still become a best-selling author, a charismatic politician or a budding entrepreneur. All that is required of you is hard work. That 's all I am saying.

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RECOMMENDATION: If you've enjoyed this part 2 story of blooming where planted, you might also enjoy part 1 of the story. Just click on that link in blue to dive straight into the story.

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