Rethinking My Attitudes

As I have pointed out before on this blog, people were fond of taking advantage of me probably because I was often timid and confused. They would have me do boring tasks without pay. Some would even tempt me into having an affair with them when I wasn't ready to be in a relationship.

One Sunday in 2006 for instance, a fellow youth member in the catholic church where I worshipped approached me after mass and informed me that she had forgotten her lip balm in the church. Perhaps due to her fear of facing the new church occupants who were now attending another mass, she asked me to go for the lip balm. I obeyed her and went to search for it.

Try as I might, I couldn't locate the lip balm at the spot the lass had directed me to. When I reported back to her that I hadn't seen the lip balm, she apprised me that she had found it elsewhere and then apologized to me for the inconvenience. Even though I didn't realize it at the time, the lass had exploited me by making me do a task she should have done herself.

Then on another evening in 2014 as I was walking home, an elderly man stopped me from a distance and requested me to help him carry a heavy sack. Since the man has been a close friend of mine, I acceded to his request and trudged along with him with the heavy sack in our hands. What pains me when I think of that evening is that the man never gave me a tip for my services. He just took advantage of me.

It is such emotional pain I have felt whenever I remember the incidents I was exploited that made me resolve to never assist anyone without charging a stipend, except my parents. And that resolution has made me uncooperative at times, something my kid brother Symo can testify to.

Some of the services I resolved to charge for are helping neighbours whose cars have stuck in mud or stalled and refused to start. I reasoned that if the neighbours afford petrol for their cars, then they certainly have the money to pay me for my services.

Another resolution I made was to decline doing boring tasks imposed on me by others. Tasks such as crossing the road to meet one of those people who shout my name and instruct me to go over to where they are. I have come to see that as a way of being taken advantage of.

To further reduce chances of being exploited, I had also resolved to refrain from talking to my fellow tribesmen in Kikuyu since speaking to them in a more advanced language gave me a sense of superiority that I thought would keep them from taking advantage of me.

But you know what? The day Mum passed away (24th January of this year), I experienced so many acts of love and kindness that have forced me to rethink my attitude towards others.

On the morning of that day, our neighbour Pascaline and her husband rushed to our home in their car to see what they could do to my ailing Mum. When they were unable to ferry her to hospital because she couldn't sit, they directed an ambulance to our home. And they did all that without charging us a single coin.

After Mum was confirmed dead, people flocked to our home to condole with us, often leaving us with money. Some women volunteered to cook for us. They would ask us what we wanted to eat and then bring us our preferred meals. And a number of men - the kind I had resolved to avoid associating with - offered to dig Mum's grave.

A day or two before Mum's funeral, Rev. Waweru - another neighbour of ours - promised to assist us with his generator as a backup in case there was a power outage during the funeral. And when the funeral day reached, my friends Njogu, Dan Waweru and Stephen Kamau rose early to ensure everything went smoothly.

Those acts of love and kindness are what have forced me to rethink the resolutions I had set, such as never offering free services. While I will still be careful to keep good company and to avoid being exploited, I will from now on be more helpful to others, even strangers. When someone needs to talk to me, I will sometimes go over to where they are and listen to what they have in mind.

I will also be conversing with my fellow tribesmen in Kikuyu, a language I am fluent in speaking thanks to my late mother. By doing so, I hope to win their hearts, for as Nelson Mandela quipped, "If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart."

The evil in this world - the lying, the killing, the stealing, the violence, the exploitation, the sexual abuse - is what makes people toxic and negative. But for me, I have made up my mind that no matter what evil is done against me, I will always remain kind, generous and understanding - just like some people were to us when we lost our beloved mother. Adieu!

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RECOMMENDATION: If you've enjoyed the above story on me rethinking my attitudes, you might also enjoy another one on "Overcoming Timidity" which I wrote a few years ago. Just click on that link in blue to dive straight into the story.