Loving People

It has been said that if you were to beat on the buttocks the person responsible for most of your troubles, you wouldn't be able to sit down for several days. The point is, we are to blame for much of the heartache we feel.

That's true because - as Oprah Winfrey observed - we teach others how to treat us. If we have been mistreated or lied to, it's because we had a weakness that others took advantage of.

As for me, it was my timidity, confusion and perhaps even my dressing that has made some people exploit or talk insolently to me. Had I been confident, they wouldn't have done that.

Last year for instance, my brothers hired a domestic worker called Jeremiah. At first, we got along well. But after some time, he started speaking to me arrogantly until I erupted in anger.

Though I hated his arrogance, I later realized he would have respected me if I had been mature as I am now. He just exploited the timidity I had then.

Realizing so has led me to believe that bullies are actually good people. It is just that they like oppressing the timid, confused and shabbily dressed. If we are strong-minded, they will treat us with respect.

I had come to agree with the advice a woman gave me ten years ago that we should drop out from our lives people who mistreat us. But I am now convinced that they mistreated us because of a weakness we had. We shouldn't therefore hate them, much less drop them out of our lives.

The problem with most of us is that when someone wrongs us, we want to hurt them too. So we speak rudely to them, delete their numbers from our phones and slander them.

Instead of engaging in such revenge, why not chalk their sinful behavior up to experience and continue loving them? After all, hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

Now that I have realized people treat us according to the way we present ourselves, I will strive to respect myself and be on good terms with all persons, as the Bible and the "Desiderata" counsel us.

That's why I have been striving to think clearly and dress appropriately in an effort to grow in confidence. It has taken me a number of years to attain the confidence I have. Indeed, confidence is a plant of slow growth.

My goal is to grow confident till I can comfortably say, "I love living 'cause I live loving." I am sure that is bound to happen because I will love people who have mistreated me when I see them respecting me for the confidence I will have.

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RECOMMENDATION: If you've enjoyed the above story on loving people, you might also enjoy another one on "Cultivating Love" which I wrote a couple of years ago.