One library employee instructed me to stop reading about Bill Clinton when he spotted me carrying the memoir. Instead of heeding his instruction, I kept devouring the hefty memoir till it began to fall apart. Thankfully, Prof. Njoroge didn't mind seeing the memoir worn out when I returned it to him. He was such a nice professor.
After we closed for long holidays in December 2007, I bought my own copy of Bill Clinton's memoir and re-read it twice. I gleaned a number of valuable tips from it. Among the tips was to develop a liking for people, books, music, sports, movies and solitude.
Perhaps most importantly, I was touched by a short essay that Clinton wrote when he was a boy. The essay expressed the kind of person I was. Later on in 2012, I modified it [with apologies to Bill Clinton] to make it fully reflect the person I was and what I aspired to be. My modified version of the essay read:
I am a person motivated and influenced by so many diverse forces that I sometimes question the sanity of my existence. I am a living paradox - deeply religious yet not as convinced of my exact beliefs as I ought to be; wanting responsibility yet shirking it; loving the truth but often giving way to falsity; believing in moral rectitude but at times viewing obscene materials. I pity those, some of whom are very dear to me, who have never learnt how to live; I desire and struggle to be different from them but more often, I am almost an exact likeness. I detest selfishness, hatred, jealousy, envy and cynicism but I feel them in myself daily.I drilled the above essay into my head with ease and kept reflecting on it. Doing so has molded me into a truthful, authentic and discerning person.
What a little boring word - I! I, me, my, mine, myself - the only things that enable worthwhile uses of these words are the universal good qualities which we are not too often able to place with them: love, faith, trust, regret, responsibility, knowledge. But the acronyms to those good qualities which enable life to be worth the trouble cannot be escaped. So I, in my attempts to be honest, will not be the hypocrite I hate, and will own up to their ominous presence in this young man, endeavoring in such earnest to be a gentleman.
These days, I always strive to tell the truth in all that I say and write. My faith in God has also increased thanks to the Bible study that I regularly indulge in.
Even though I have grown in faith, I feel in my bones that I am yet to trust God completely. A shadow of doubt still exists in my heart. For how else can I explain the worry, guilt and hatred I sometime experience?
In order to trust God completely, I have resolved to continue studying the Bible and other Christian literature. The other day, I subscribed to be receiving devotional articles in my email daily.
Apart from reading the Bible and other Christian literature, I will also be listening to beautiful hymns like "'Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus" which encourages us to take God at His Word.
Why, you may ask, am I ardently desiring to trust God completely? So that I can live in peace as God promises to those who trust in Him. In a world full of suffering and broken dreams, I believe that trusting God and taking Him at His Word are the best decisions a person can make.
***********************
RECOMMENDATION: If you've enjoyed the above story, you might also enjoy another one on "Growing in Faith".
