Part 2: Controlling Enthusiasm

If you are not familiar with my past, let me inform you that I used to suffer from bipolar disorder, a psychosomatic illness which made me experience bouts of excitement. During those bouts of excitement, I would talk a lot, what is known as verbal diarrhea. And if I didn't have someone to converse with, I would send messages to my friends.

It all began in 2007 when I was in my final months at Starehe Institute where I was pursuing a diploma in Information Technology. One night that year, I felt euphoric after delivering a speech to Starehe students during evening assembly. In my euphoria, I stood on the staircase of a certain building where I babbled to myself for almost 30 minutes.

Given how euphoric I sometimes felt in those final months of my time at Starehe Institute, I wonder how I would have reacted had I been accepted at MIT, the world's premier university in science, technology, engineering and math. I would definitely have become so excited that I could have been hit by a moving car as I celebrated my success.

In May 2007 when I matriculated at a local university called JKUAT to pursue a degree in Electronics & Computer Engineering, I continued experiencing bouts of excitement. Fuelled by the excitement, I would go walking in all the highways and byways of the university without caring how security guards would respond to my behavior.

And then when I enrolled at the University of Nairobi (UoN) in September 2010 to study a less demanding degree than the difficult engineering course that made me drop out of JKUAT, I had bursts of excitement that were similar to those I used to have at JKUAT. On some nights, my joy would become too much to an extent that I would go for an entire night without sleeping a wink.

I will never forget the evening in early 2011 when, in the heat of excitement, I went jabbering to a boot-faced man hired to look after bags left by students entering the UoN library. Seeming annoyed by my talk, the man bluntly instructed me to just ask for my bag and not bother him with useless chatter.

Even after I dropped out of UoN, I kept having those moments of excitement during which I would be unable to concentrate on one task. My inability to focus on a single task made me wonder how Bill Clinton, my hero, used to sit down and read a book during his years in the White House. Had it been me in the White House, I would have felt so elated that I would have gone walking and talking to people in my neighbourhood.

With time, I came to realize that my bouts of excitement weren't taking me anywhere. I wasn't being productive by talking and walking around aimlessly. Even Mr. John Mwaura, one of my high school teachers with whom I shared my university experiences via email, remarked to me that my behavior was abnormal when we met on one Saturday in 2012.

Having realized that my bipolar disorder was detrimental to my progress (it made me drop out of JKUAT and UoN), I have over the past two years been striving to control my enthusiasm through willpower. I have aspired to remain cool and unruffled under all circumstances. Or to borrow the words of one of my favorite hymns, I have tried to be "controlled and cleanly night and day."

These days when I feel full of enthusiasm, I strive to channel my energy in doing something constructive instead of talking and walking around aimlessly. Some of the construcitve tasks I do include reading, meditating, writing, playing the piano, singing and composing hymns.

I am praying that the first time I will accomplish my dream of travelling overseas, I will remain cool, calm and collected. Because there are toxic people in overseas countries, I don't want to incur their wrath by jabbering to them in the heat of my excitement for having flown abroad.

My beloved reader, I exhort you to also be controlling your enthusiasm, especially when something wonderful happens to you. Meet with triumph and disaster with equal calm, poise, peace and grace. And always remember that we all die in the end, so avoid undue elation in prosperity and undue depression in adversity. That's all I am saying.

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RECOMMENDATION: If you've enjoyed the above part 2 story on controlling enthusiasm, you might also enjoy part 1 of the story which I wrote two years ago. Just click on that link in blue to dive straight into the story.