Being Patient With People

When I got into fourth form in January 2005, I became position 27 in the 'index' exams we had sat for at the end of the previous year. Becoming position 27 in the index exams was the best performance I had hitherto attained since I began my high school education at Starehe Boys' Centre in 2002.

As my fourth form days wore on, I was determined to do even better in the exams that were to follow. I especially wanted to emerge the top candidate nationally in the 2005 KCSE exams.

In order to achieve my goal, I read a lot. Really a lot. Not a day passed in my entire fourth form year without me reading something related to schoolwork. In spite of my heavy reading, I didn't make it in the list of top 100 candidates nationally in the 2005 KCSE exams.

Later on, it dawned on me that only those Starehe fourth formers who were among the top 10 in index exams managed to appear in the list of top 10 students nationally in KCSE exams. Mark you, the Starehe index exams were done a year before KCSE exams, meaning that no amount of reading in a whole year could make one leapfrog from position 27 in index exams to position 1 in KCSE exams.

The 2006 KCSE exams, however, had an abnormality that I noted. In the results of those exams, there was little difference in marks among the top 100 students nationally. If a candidate who was number 99 nationally could have improved by only 8 marks, he would have emerged top. Those results didn't follow a normal distribution curve, the sign of a fair and well-set exam.

I also noted that some 2006 Starehe fourth formers who were among the top ten in index exams didn't make it in the list of top 100 students nationally in their KCSE exams. One of them was Paul Byatta who was accepted at Harvard. I don't understand how Byatta, who was index 6 or 7, failed to appear among the top 100 students in KCSE exams. Surely, there was something amiss with the 2006 KCSE exams.

Anyway, coming back to the impossibility of Starehe's index 27 topping KCSE exams, there is an important lesson we can draw from that fact. And it is that we shouldn't expect sudden improvements from our spouses, children, parents, workmates and church colleagues. We should therefore be patient with people, something I have learnt while dealing with my father.

Well, Dad is a hard-working person but orderliness is not one of his strengths. His home office is full of books, newspapers and other paraphernalia that are strewn higgedly-piggedly on the floor. The same goes for his bedroom which he shares with Mum.

Some of my brothers have criticized Dad for his lack of organizational skills. But I think they are being unfair to him. Since Dad has been disorganized for years, expecting him to be orderly within a month is like expecting a Starehe index 27 to emerge top in KCSE exams. It's impossible!

I have also been guilty of expecting much from Dad. A couple of years ago while walking in a certain mall in Nairobi, I saw a book whose front cover had a photo of a 74-year old man. The man, who was the author of the book, was in fine fettle with his six-pack and well-toned muscles. And his book was about staying alert and vibrant despite advancing years.

After I saw the book, I thought of buying it and showing it to Dad who sometimes attributes his age to his tendency to doze and forget things. I imagined telling Dad, in the presence of my brothers, that here was a man older than him who was still alert and vibrant at 74 years.

Come to think of it, I am glad that I never bought the book and compared its 74-year old author with Dad. Why? Because he is different from Dad. Maybe the author didn't hail from a humble background like Dad. So expecting Dad to suddenly become alert and vibrant like him is a superhuman feat tantamount to expecting a Starehe index 27 to emerge top in KCSE exams.

I have therefore resolved to be patient with Dad and all the people in my life, a way of living I beseech you to adopt as well. Refrain from being critical of the people in your life who are below par. Be patient with them and allow them room to be themselves. As for teens and children, give them time to grow. That's all I am saying.

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RECOMMENDATION: If you've enjoyed the above story on being patient with people, you might also enjoy another one on "Gaining Wisdom in Pain" that I wrote a few years ago. Just click on that link in blue to dive straight into the story.