If you don't know my life history, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was at the University of Nairobi in 2011. (Schizophrenia is a mental illness in which a person is unable to link thought, emotion and behaviour, leading to withdrawal from reality and personal relationships.) A psychiatrist at the university was right to diagnose me with schizophrenia given the way I ran away from home when I was unable to raise tuition fees.
Later on after I dropped out of the University of Nairobi in 2011, I developed symptoms of bipolar disorder, another mental illness that causes a person to change from being extremely happy to being extremely depressed. I would at times feel euphoric and then feel depressed, at times for no apparent reason.
To be honest, I liked feeling euphoric. I cherished the joy, energy and creativity that welled up in me during my moments of euphoria. The inexpressible joy would make me send silly messages to friends, set very high goals and go walking for miles without getting tired.
It is my low moments that I didn't like, especially the guilt, bitterness, insecurity and emptiness that I felt during those low moments. Sometimes, the guilt would become so much that I would fear venturing into the streets out there.
Well, I stopped seeing a psychiatrist a few weeks after dropping out of the University of Nairobi in 2011 because I disliked being put on medication. And seeing a psychiatrist regularly made me feel like a prisoner since it curtailed my freedom. I have therefore had to devise tactics of dealing with my bipolar disorder.
In the past three years, I have sought remedy in praying, meditating and engaging in my hobbies. I have been asking God to heal my soul of all negative emotions that have plagued me since I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2011. Such negative emotions as anger, sloth, guilt, greed, worry, jealousy, timidity, confusion, emptiness, bitterness, insecurity and selfishness.
God has been answering my prayers. For how else can you explain that I have over the past five months been feeling peaceful in my soul? God is truly healing my soul, which makes me agree with the American televangelist Joyce Meyer when she recently tweeted:
No matter how wounded we are when we begin our journey toward wholeness, God has guaranteed our success as long as we don't give up. He gathers up the fragments of our broken lives and makes sure that nothing is wasted.Now that my soul is healing, I have promised God that if He makes my current joy consistent, I won't trek or jabber too much as I used to do in the past when I felt euphoric. I will just continue exercising for only one hour everyday and use the rest of my energy to develop my mind and soul, mostly by reading, writing, meditating, playing the piano and listening to edifying music.
God has truly been healing my wounded soul of all negative emotions that have bedevilled me over the past twelve years. And if He doesn't fulfil my desires to be rich and famous, His healing of my soul will be sufficient reason to give Him my praise and adoration. That's all I am saying.
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RECOMMENDATION: If you've enjoyed the above story about the way God has been healing my soul, you might also enjoy another one on "Mental Health Awareness" which I wrote two years ago. Just click on that link in blue to dive straight into the story.
