Living in Freedom

One morning in 2015, I was preparing to have tea at Rose of Sharon Academy in Nairobi where I was teaching piano when someone phoned me with an unsaved number and said he was calling from CID (Criminal Investigation Department). He started interrogating assertively, making me cringe in fear. And if I remember the phone call well, he addressed me by my name, which meant he knew who I was.

Sensing that I was becoming fearful and nervous, the caller lightened up and disclosed that he was Silah Tarbai, a classmate of mine in high school. Gosh! I felt relieved. Silah had scared the living daylights out of me.

I soon learnt that Silah had gotten my phone number from my blog; that's why I have become leery of sharing my number online. And he must have begun his phone call with a pretence that he was calling from CID just to frighten me a little in our usual high school mischief.

To tell you the truth, I hate living with such unhealthy fear. What I desire most - even more than wealth and fame - is the freedom to be myself, something that I have not always been privileged to possess.

If you don't know my life history, let me inform you that I grew up as a timid and confused teenager. I often felt awkward and aloof in social gatherings. It was like I was in a prison of my own making.

Then when I became an adult, someone started bullying me, thus denying me the much needed freedom to be myself. He would bully me when I was at home and when out there in the streets walking. Guess who that bully was? It was me!

Yes, I bullied myself a lot by reminding myself of my past foolish deeds, by worrying what others thought of me, by remembering those who had offended me, by fearing something could go terribly wrong in the future and by thinking I didn't have what it takes to be a success.

Such negative thoughts left in their wake feelings of guilt, worry, bitterness and insecurity in my soul. Sometimes the guilt would get so intense that you'd think I had committed one of those heinous crimes that land people in prison.

In an attempt to extricate myself from that self-imposed prison, I have in the last three years worked diligently at leading a disciplined life. I have been getting out of bed every morning and staying active during the day.

My efforts are bearing fruit because for the past four months, the quality of my thought life has improved. I have felt wonderfully freed from all shame, anxiety and condemnation.

As I endeavor to keep up the momentum of being at peace with myself, I am figuring out that the key to living in freedom, in addition to leading a life of integrity and discipline, is acquiring knowledge and applying it in my day-to-day living. Especially the knowledge in the Bible.

Actually, the whole point of the gospel of Christ is to set us free from guilt, worry, bitterness and insecurity. Jesus Himself quipped that He came so that we may have life and have it in abundance. (John 10:10)

My beloved reader, I exhort you to also strive to live in freedom. Free yourself from all evil and lead a life of integrity. Entrust your life to God for He cares for you. And acquire knowledge, discipline and understanding because, as they say, only the disciplined are free. Adieu!

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RECOMMENDATION: If you've enjoyed the above story on living in freedom, you might also enjoy another one on "What Freedom Entails" which I wrote about five years ago. Just click on that link in blue to dive straight into the story.