Not Judging Others Harshly

In 2008 when I was attending evangelism classes at All Saints' Cathedral in Nairobi, I was given some booklets that would help me grow in my Christian faith. I read them with keen interest. My attention was particularly drawn to a statement in one of the booklets that alerted Christians about the folly of judging others harshly.

That statement struck a chord with me because I was a victim of harsh judgements in a choir I sang with at the cathedral. Some choristers talked about me behind my back, spreading rumours that I was up to no good. They mistook my timidity and confusion - weaknesses I have struggled to overcome - for signs of criminal behaviour.

I have also been guilty of judging others harshly (as if I am perfect myself). Just recently, I found myself nitpicking my brothers Paddy and Bob after they failed to do something for me. Okay, let me tell you the full story.

About two months ago, Paddy began financing the renovation of our mansion. He had the ceiling redone, the floor retiled and the walls repainted. What's more, he replaced sofas, curtains, wardrobes, showerheads, toilet bowls and electric bulbs with hipper ones.

With such costly facelift of our mansion, I was sure Paddy would be generous enough to buy me a classic table for studying and writing. I imagined my ideal table to have drawers for keeping my stationery as well as the diary, Bible, thesaurus and dictionaries I refer to regularly while studying and writing.

Guess what! When I approached Paddy and requested him to buy me the table I desired, he instructed me to purchase it myself with my own money. His response embittered me. I wondered how he could spend thousands of shillings to renovate our mansion and not afford a table for me. Selfish, uncaring, inconsiderate - these are the adjectives that describe how I thought of him.

But then I remembered all the good deeds Paddy has done for me. Chief among them was lifting me from staying in a dilapidated wooden house to living in a fanciful brick mansion, without which I wouldn't now be feeling constantly creative and courageous. Remembering that deed neutralized the bitterness I had towards him.

As for my brother Bob, I always appreciate the little amounts of money he sends me since they come in handy when I have to buy internet data for my phone after our home WiFi malfunctions. So when he promised to send me some money two weeks ago, I was looking forward to receiving it.

When two days went by without receiving the money, I phoned Bob to remind him. He said "okay" and then ended the call.

Come the following evening, he still hadn't fulfilled his promise. So I phoned him again. He told me something in a crisp manner that made me instinctively know he wasn't going to send me any money this time round.

My instincts turned out to be right because when I phoned him the following night, he ended my call without uttering a word to me. I was irked by his attitude towards me. "Why had he made a promise he couldn't keep?" I asked myself indignantly.

Like I often do when a loved one wrongs me, I brought to memory all the past sins Bob had done to me. Those memories awakened in my soul feelings of resentment towards him.

When he visited us last Monday, I resolved not to talk to him in order to teach him a lesson that I am not a person to be trifled with. I would actually have ignored him had he not requested me to input the password of our home WiFi on his smartphone.

Guess what again! While leaving home that Monday for my evening walk, I noted Bob had visited us without his car. It then dawned on me that he could have been having problems to deal with. And here was me judging him harshly for not sending me money. How foolish I was!

By judging my brothers Paddy and Bob harshly, I was committing the same sins that some choristers at All Saints' Cathedral did to me back in 2008. Their harsh judgment wounded my soul for years.

My beloved reader, I implore you not to be quick to judge others harshly. The next time you feel someone has not lived up to your expectations, try to remember that everyone makes mistakes, that the person you are angry with could be grappling with problems, and that people are not in this world to make you happy. Shalom!

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RECOMMENDATION: If you've enjoyed the above story on not judging others harshly, you might also enjoy another one on "Allowing Others a Mistake" which I wrote two years ago. Just click on that link in blue to dive straight into the story.