Not Judging Others Harshly

In 2008 when I was attending evangelism classes at All Saints' Cathedral in Nairobi, I was given some booklets that would help me grow in my Christian faith. I read them with keen interest. My attention was particularly drawn to a statement in one of the booklets that admonished Christians against judging others harshly.

That statement struck a chord with me because I was a victim of harsh judgements in a choir I sang with at the cathedral. Some choristers would talk about me behind my back, spreading rumours that I was up to no good. They mistook my timidity and confusion - weaknesses I have struggled to overcome - for signs of criminal behaviour.

I have also been guilty of judging others harshly (as if I am perfect myself). Just recently, I found myself nitpicking my brothers Paddy and Bob after they failed to do something for me. Okay, let me tell you the full story.

About two months ago, Paddy began financing the renovation of our mansion. He had the ceiling redone, the floor retiled and the walls repainted. In addition, he replaced sofas, curtains, wardrobes, showerheads, toilet bowls and electric bulbs in the mansion with hipper ones.

With all that costly facelift of our mansion, I was sure Paddy would be generous enough to purchase for me a classic table for studying and writing. I imagined my ideal table to have drawers for keeping my stationery as well as the diary, Bible, thesaurus and dictionaries I refer to regularly while studying and writing.

Guess what! When I beseeched Paddy to buy me my desired table, he instructed me to do it myself with my own money. His response embittered me. I wondered how he could spend thousands of shillings to renovate our mansion and not afford a table for me. Selfish, uncaring, inconsiderate - these are the adjectives that describe how I thought of him.

But then I remembered all the good deeds Paddy has done for me. Chief among the deeds is lifting me from living in a dilapidated wooden house to living in a fanciful brick mansion, without which I wouldn't be feeling as creative and courageous as I am these days. Remembering all those deeds helped neutralize the bitterness I had towards him.

As for my brother Bob, I always appreciate the little amounts of money he sends me since they come in handy when I have to buy internet data for my phone after our home WiFi fails to work. So when he promised to send me some money two weeks ago, I was looking forward to receiving it.

When two days went by without receiving the money, I phoned Bob to remind him of his promise to me. He said "okay" to what I said and then ended the call.

Come the following evening, he still hadn't fulfilled his promise. I therefore phoned him again. Even though he didn't say anything negative, something about his response told me he wasn't going to send me any money this time round.

My instincts were confirmed when I phoned him the next night only for him to end my call without uttering a word to me. His attitude towards me pissed me off. "Why had he made a promise he couldn't keep?" I asked myself indignantly.

Like I often do when a loved one wrongs me, I brought to memory all the past sins Bob had done to me. Those memories awakened in my soul feelings of resentment towards him.

When he visited us last Monday, I resolved not to talk to him in order to teach him a lesson that I am not a person to be trifled with. I would actually have ignored him had he not requested me to input the password of our home WiFi on his smartphone.

Guess what again! While leaving home that Monday for my evening walk, I noted Bob had visited us without his car. It then dawned on me that he could be having problems of his own to deal with. And here had been me judging him harshly for not sending me money. Foolish me!

By judging my brothers Paddy and Bob negatively, I was committing the same sins that some choristers at All Saints' Cathedral did to me back in 2008. The choristers tarnished my name by making others believe that I could be pilfering materials from the cathedral, a misjudgement that wounded my soul for years.

My beloved reader, I implore you not to be quick to judge others harshly. The next time you feel someone has not lived up to your expectations, try to remember that everyone makes mistakes, that the person you are angry with could be grappling with problems, and that people are not in this world to make you happy. Shalom!

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RECOMMENDATION: If you've enjoyed the above story on not judging others harshly, you might also enjoy another one on "Allowing Others a Mistake" which I wrote two years ago. Just click on that link in blue to dive straight into the story.